Wednesday, January 09, 2013

01 10 13 thoughts

dear world.
i don't know anything that is worth doing unless i'm going all out.
the problem is that i'm confused and i don't know what i should be going for full force.  i think you can sympathize with me in that this creates a problem.  in so forth that i'm going balls out with everything but not really sure what i'm focusing towards.  so in essence, everything i'm doing right now, 'm putting my head straight down and putting the pedal to the metal full force.  from an outsiders perspective, this is obviously not the best way to go about things relative to its shorts sightedness.  but then again, anytime that i've thought about something, or hesitated, or let stupid fucking reason come into play, is precisely when i've fallen flat on my face.  ... i don't know what this all means or whether this explains my accomplishments and shortcomings all at the same time, but regardless of looking back at accolades or injured scars, either way, i think i perform the best when i just go and don't think. 
thinking hurts. 
thinking hurts before you even get going. 
going is exhilarating.  going only hurts at the point when you crash into that brick wall from going too fast because of shortsightedness.  but at least its just that instantaneous moment, and its not happening at the point when you psyche yourself out. and you don't have that stupid fucking thing of regret gnawing at you day in and day out for not trying.  when i die, i just hope my epitaph doesn't say something boring or disappointing like 'he could have been so much more'.  sometimes i wonder if this attitude has actually prevented me from greatness.  but why should that bother me when in the end we're all worm food, and it's up to someone else when we're dead to decide whether we're special or not.  at that stage, who gives a fuck?  i'm not writing my epitaph.
so in this age of digital instantaneous social media twitter creepbook g-whatever and i-need-to-make-myself-look-better-than-i-actually -am type-cyberworld, does anyone actually read or care about this beyond a thumbs up facebook 'like' symbol, or a video youtube thingy gone viral?  or do things happen so fast that it's a here today, gone today type society that in reality it doesn't matter since our appetite for something new to prop up is satiated just as quickly by the mass conglomeration of shooting it down just as instantaneously.  basically in the end it doesn't matter since today's news in our instantenous multi-task, inability to focus type society is just a mere blip.  today's news by the time you finish this sentence is already old.
i guess what i'm getting at is, does anyone out there really understand what i'm saying?
and if so, can you help me?